I can't

I have been struggling with myself lately and my inability to get things right.  One of my biggest struggles right now is a very defiant little boy.  It feels like as soon as I get up in the morning, we begin this struggle. Battle lines have been drawn and I am just waiting on him to cross those lines. On most days he crosses the line multiple times...shots are fired and everyone walks away wounded.  I know...it sounds dramatic, but it is exhausting. My every instruction is questioned and many times throughout the day completely ignored.  That kind of behavior cannot go unpunished, but when the consequences for his actions seem to have no effect on his behavior I start to wonder.  What am I doing wrong?! Frustration builds up, I run out of patience and I end up yelling my way through the day and then I don't like the kind of mother I have turned into. I know there are other Momma's out there in the same boat.  Momma's that pray for wisdom and direction. Momma's that only want what is best. Momma's who pour out their love day and night, but your little one is constantly fighting you.  In return, you feel like you are constantly at odds with your child...and that is a hard place to be.  I have had a couple of eye-opening moments in the past month that have forced me to plead with God for help.  My little boy does need correction and discipline, but he also needs a Mother who is relying on God's strength to help her parent in a loving and patient manner. He deserves a Momma who is allowing the fruits of the Spirit to rule over her emotions instead of whatever current situation I am in.  I am just going to be honest and real with you...something that has hit me hard in the past few weeks...I can't do it.  I can't be everything this sweet little boy needs me to be.  I can't be everything for my little girl.  I can't be everything for my husband.  Even more than that, I am learning I can't be ANYTHING to them I need to be without fully trusting in God for my strength, wisdom, peace and joy.

I can't sounds like failure.  I can't sounds like you are giving up, but in my world I can't means that I am handing it over to God.  Have you ever given your kids a job knowing that at some point in the middle of this job, they will need your help?  It is interesting to watch them, knowing all they need to do is ask for help.  Sometimes I can see them get angry and frustrated with not being able to finish the job.  Sometimes I watch them just quit.  Sometimes I see them be defeated by their inability.  Then sometimes...a light bulb goes off in their head and they run to me or their Daddy for help.  I think God watches me sometimes and must think...why doesn't she just come to me?  Why isn't my Bible that sits on her nightstand open?  Why isn't she praying about this? Ouch.  The woman that God calls me to be in His Word, is nothing short of impossible.  I have been attending a Women's bible study and we have been going through the book of James.  It has been so challenging to me and almost frustrating! God has really shed some light on the dirt I have in my life. I don't know how I can possibly be and do all of the things that God has called me to be and do. I try on my own,  way too often.  I try and I fall. I get back up, try again and fall harder than the first time! Then just like when my kids have a job they can't possibly achieve, I realize I have to run to God, just like my kids run to me.  God gives us goals that we cannot possibly achieve on our own. He wants us to run to Him, to lean on His everlasting arms, to claim his heavenly peace, to draw our strength from His joy, and to have faith in His promises even when our emotions tell us differently. I am nothing without God, but when I make Him my everything, I can do whatever it is He has called me to do.  So what is it that you are struggling with? What impossible situation is in front of you? What kind of mountains are you facing? My heart has been heavy with the mountains I see other people around me having to face.  Life is hard and daily we have to face things and deal with things that are new to us.  We stand in front of something or someone and we are expected to have answers and we just don't know. Decisions, crossroads, loss, and betrayal...how do we deal with these things?  I am going to try to confront my struggles remembering that God has promised to hold my hand.  I am going to try to tell my overwhelming worries to fear not, for God will help me.  Easter Sunday is coming up and let that be a reminder to you of the power and victory we have in Christ.  Because He lives, we live.  Because He loves we can love.  He conquered and we are more than conquerors through Him!!

Isaiah 41:13 - For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not, I will help thee.

Romans 8:37 - Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. 

Psams 18:2 - The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.