Lost in the Gray

Have you ever felt like life has turned upside down on you?  Maybe for the good or maybe for the not so good, but nevertheless the way you look at things has been flipped around.  In my life recently I feel upside down more than I do rightside up.  Not necessarily in a bad way...I just feel as if I don't know as much as I thought I knew.(hahaha...my husband will be really happy to read this)   I am a woman with strong emotions and opinions and in the past a person who felt like I had a good handle on life in general. I don't really feel that way anymore. What do I really know? I have to confess, in part, this is why I haven't been blogging much. I feel as if I don't have anything to write...nothing to offer. If I can't figure out things, then why should I blog?? There are plenty of other amazing and strong women who have a gift of writing...what could I possibly have to offer?  Life, at one time, seemed to me so black and white. That was before life actually came along though. Now, a husband and 2 kids later, there are these huge gray areas I have to figure out.
 I was once that first time pregnant know-it-all Momma.  I could clearly see where other parents were doing things wrong...I mean how hard can parenting really be?! I found out when the tiny human made an appearance that it isn't so much about breastmilk or formula and co-sleeping or not co-sleeping, its really just about keeping them alive!! I know, that sounds funny...but lets be for real (or as my daughter has recently put it "for truth") Getting a newborn fed is a feat in itself....and then you have to get them to close their sweet little precious eyes and drift off into beautiful slumber.  For some people this apparently isn't a problem, but God in all of his greatness didn't give me a well sleeping baby so again, a good night sleep or even a good nap was a GREAT victory.  What if you have a newborn AND a toddler?!  How do you keep a baby alive with a toddler around?!  I haven't had the pleasure of finding out personally how a parent does this but I really have wondered how these amazing Mommas with multiple kids under the age of 3 keep their sanity while keeping their kids alive. Mommas...you literally amaze me!

Now, I realize how naive to think that things can be as simple as black and white.  Don't get me wrong, some things are still black and white...but those things are easy. So many times since becoming a wife and a parent I have wished for a sign, or an arrow that points in the direction I should go.  Unfortunately that isn't how God works and it isn't how life works. I define the gray as "What in the world am I supposed to do now, God?"  The gray area is difficult, but I must admit it is making me the person and woman I am today. The gray is where we rely on His Spirit. The gray is when I have dug through the scriptures as if I was trying to find gold....when I have prayed continually....when I have begged for direction or peace. The gray has brought me closer to the lover of my soul. We aren't supposed to know all of the black and whites. We can't see all of the lines that have been drawn. We don't know where our journey will take us and we don't have a built-in GPS that tells us to take the next left.....BUT GOD KNOWS. In the gray we have to rely on Him and His Word.  The gray has taken my eyes off of the people around me that constantly disappoint (because we are human...and humans disappoint) and set my eyes on the only One I can truly rely on. In life, we don't have many things that are consistent, but as a Christian we have our Father in Heaven.  He will never fail us. He will show us the way if we truly want to know.  Isaiah 65:24 says "and it shall come to pass that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear".  Such an amazing promise that God is ready to hear us and ready to give us direction when the time comes to make certain decisions.  Another great reminder for myself is that even when I am in a gray area, black and white is what keeps me focused.  There are so many great truths in the Bible that help direct us.  Everyone's gray area will look different, but no matter where I have been there has always been a truth from scripture that has helped guide me in the will of God. There has always been a promise in God's Word that has helped give me peace or sometimes convict my heart. Don't let the gray convince you that nothing is for sure, that nothing is consistent, that there isn't a right decision to be made.  Allow the gray areas of your life to bring you closer to the Truth....closer to the One who knows the way.  I want to be an encouragement to Mothers and maybe you are lost in something right now and you don't know which way to go. Maybe you are lost in your career, in motherhood, in your marriage, or in a loss. I feel for you and I pray that you find that gold nugget God has for you in his Word that will help you through your situation  or that the Holy Spirit gives you the peace that you need for whatever decision you may face.