A Stranger in our Home

In a few short days My family will end a chapter in our life and begin a new one.  We will all run around like crazy for a couple of hours on what would normally be a regular Wednesday morning and determine not to be late for an adoption ceremony.  We will get in the car, drive to the courthouse, sign a few papers, promise to love and to care for a certain little boy and it will be official.  A process that has lasted for a long 3 years now will come to an end in a short 20 minutes.  The judge will hand us a piece of paper that tells us we are fit to be Rickie's parents and we will be on our way.  A family of four.  Rickie will officially take our last name.  He will have a new name and a forever family. 

 

Adoption is a beautiful thing that no one can prepare you for.  We went to classes.  We read books.  We heard stories.  I believe it is one of those things that you can never really be truly prepared for.  I remember when I was pregnant with Emma...I had so many Moms give me advice and tell me how things were going to be, but anyone who has had a child knows that no one can prepare you for that.  No one can prepare you for the responsibility or the love.  Adoption is no different.  To be honest, I had heard so many people talk about the bonding experience and explain how it takes time.  They would share their struggles with bonding and I always knew that wouldn't be a problem for me.  I know now how naïve it was for me to believe that bonding wouldn't be an issue at all.  I truly thought that would never be anything that I would personally struggle with.  I was supposed to adopt.  God had given me peace about it and I knew He would give me the love for that child.  Just like when you have your first child, it doesn't take long for you to realize that everything is harder than you thought it would be.  Even though Rickie was almost four when we welcomed him into our home, in many ways it felt just like when we brought Emma home as a newborn.

 

Just like a newborn sometimes feels like this tiny little person who all of the sudden fills your home with chaos and love, Rickie felt like a stranger in our home.  We didn't really know what to do with him.  All of the sudden we had this little boy sleeping in the next room, eating at the table with us and participating in all of the family functions.  At first it just feels like this overwhelming amount of responsibility.  We felt like he needed us in so many ways and we were working so hard physically and emotionally to meet his needs.  We would lay in bed at night and wonder if we were doing everything right. Were we fit to be his parents?  Were we good enough?  They say time heals all wounds and while I don't know if some wounds can ever be completely healed I do believe that statement holds true in so many ways. A little bit of time passes and things start to change.  Just like the first time your little baby looks up into your eyes and gives you their first smile and your heart completely melts.  Even though you are sleep deprived and you have forgotten what normalcy looks like, you thank God that you are the lucky one that gets to parent this amazing being that you hold in your arms.  Nothing happened fast, but we could see the trust beginning to form.  We could feel him beginning to depend on us for his needs.  A baby will cry in hopes that its momma or daddy will hear him and run to comfort him.   Rickie would cry in hopes that one of us would hold him and comfort him.  We would watch this new stranger sleep sometimes peacefully and sometimes not so peacefully in his bed and a strong protectiveness would come over us. A protectiveness that wanted to shield him from any more hurt that might come his way.  Bonds began to form.  Strong bonds that can't be broken. 

Slowly the past few months we have watched and we have learned.  We have felt our relationship with Rickie grow and change.   We have seen him grow stronger.  With fierce determination he learns new things.  We never got to experience the first time he physically crawled or walked or ran, but emotionally we have seen this brave little boy get knocked down and have to learn to sit up, crawl, walk and then run.   This little boy is coming into himself. He makes us laugh and smile every day.  He doesn't feel like a stranger anymore, he feels like family. He feels like our son. We are starting to forget what it felt like to be a family of three.  A family of four feels so right and it is so much fun.  I am not going to lie, we have definitely had to adjust.  It feels like we are getting into a groove though.  We are still playing catch up with Rickie but things are going so much smoother than they were and I believe it is because Rickie is learning that he is safe and secure.  He is learning that we can be relied on.  When we leave, he knows we will be back.   He is finding out that most of the time he just has to ask for something and we will provide it.  Rickie is still getting to know us and we are still getting to know him, but it is a beautiful thing to see unfold.  Each victory is cause for celebration and every tear begs for a warm embrace. Rickie still isn't quite sure of his new home sometimes, and I can see it in his big blue eyes that he wants to trust.  He just needs more time.  Trust is a hard bridge to build, but as a family we will build it together.  We will take one day at a time and we will stand together.  As Rickie learns to trust us, we will keep learning how to trust in our Almighty God. 

 

In a devotional that I am reading right now there is a quote by Marie T. Freeman and it says "God is more concerned with the direction of your life than with its speed."  How comforting that when we feel like things should be moving much faster, God is just concerned that we are doing the right thing.  The adoption process for us has moved slow, but you know what? It has all been in God's perfect timing.  For anyone who is going through the adoption process...any part of it, I will pray for you. I will pray that you keep trusting in God.  He will help you.  He knows exactly what you need and when you need it.  He knows the desires of your heart and He longs to give them to you.  He knows you need peace and love and hope and He has them for you.